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Joke of the Day

"[internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on"

"If a Rabbit Foot is considered good luck, then a Camel Toe should be considered amazing luck!"

"Hit a squirrel with my car on the way home from the grocery store. If I knew that was going to happen, I wouldn't have bought all this meat."

"The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing."

"So I was talking to my 13 year old friend online.... And out of nowhere she told me she was an FBI agent. How cool is that?!"

"I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it."

"I got in an argument with Kobe Bryant. I now have Kobe Beef."

"What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels..."

"She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight? Me: But darling i'm a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?"

"I've been sober as far back as I can remember. Which is roughly 11 hours."