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Joke of the Day

"[internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on"

"I took over 50,000 steps today by taping my fitness bracelet to my Roomba."

"My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine."

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today... Sounds fun. Dozen Tit?"

"I'm in a band called ""Echoes"" You've probably heard us before."

"NASA is planning another rover for Mars in 2020 They should call it Hindsight"

"The barista can't deal with the man's 'Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee' shirt. Her mouth opens, then closes. The line grows."

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists? The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts."

"What do soybeans call their mother? Edamame."

"I like to paint pictures of WW2 bombers onto the sides of beautiful women."