121762

Joke of the Day

"This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep."

"I just put a bottle antifreeze in the freezer. Place your bets now."

"There once was a man named Dave... who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit, and missing one tit, but think of the money he'd save."

"How do you torture Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it."

"How did I get the balls to write such a grotesque joke? Gruesome."

"Me: *eating a Mars bar* Martian: Good grief where will I obtain alcohol now"

"Never ever stop pushing yourself. They say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Go beyond it and create history."

"Coffee so strong, you finish the ""to do"" list, that you haven't even written yet."

"I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing."

"It's amazing, when a dog licks its own arse it's perfectly normal. But when I do it... I get arrested for bestiality."