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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob."

"*whispering to my newborn son* weed is tight. im siked for u to try it son. im so excited for you. i love you"

"I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home."

"Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, ""Whoa."" Then we high-fived."

"LOL What is Charlie Sheens middle name? Washingma Charlie Washingma Sheen"

"Open letter to the mods of /r/jokes C"

"My friend just launched the second hubble into space... A hubble bubble."

"Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes"

"GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables"

"If a picture frame doesn't have the word ""memories"" written on it in giant cursive letters, how do I know what I'm looking at?!"