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Joke of the Day

"Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal."

"[doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go"

"Why don't you want to eat pussy in the morning? Have you ever tried to spread a grilled cheese?"

"Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first."

"Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay. Mom: *gasp* Dad: *clenches fists* Mom: Honey, stop! Dad: *steps forward* Mom: N- Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD."

"What is it called when you insult an Indian so bad that he bursts into flames? A Sikh burn"

"What kind of online videos do fish love to watch? Hardcore prawn"

"Just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you."

"What don't homeless people get? Knock knock jokes"

"Psychopaths make up about 1% of the US population. Exposing them is easy, just text your friends & check who has their read receipts on."