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Joke of the Day

"GOD: hey my son is broken, he won't absolve the sins of mankind IT GUY: try turning him off, waiting 3 days, then turning him back on again"

"ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well"

"Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel"

"How old is your Grandma? I dunno but we've had him a long time."

"What does a rapist wear to feel sexy? Cologne."

"What do you call a group of lesbians from Pittsburgh? Lesbiyinz."

"ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit"

"What did one snowman say to the other? ...do you smell carrots?"

"Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It's definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation."

"I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What's not to like?"