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Joke of the Day

"Waiting for Bernie Sanders to come out from under the ring and hitting someone with a steel chair to claim the presidential belt."

"I've bought tickets to all One Directions upcoming gigs.They're not my cup of tea but the tickets say The Doors open at 7:15 and i love them"

"*sings Hakuna Matata during your meltdown*"

"A guy walks into a bar.... ....with a pile of shit in his hands and says hey, look what I nearly stepped in..."

"A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet. It's between Urpenis and Urvagina."

"What's the difference between cum and Jello? Jello doesn't hit the back of your throat at 120 mph."

"Why were all the oompa loompas black in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory? Because Orange is the New Black."

"[me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers] And here we see these little liars hopping on sand."

"Women's rights"

"Why are Skeleton's so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."