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Joke of the Day

"sitting is bad for u, but the standing desk is all wrong. i present to u... *unveils computer hanging from ceiling with a bed underneath it*"

"I've found out why gay people dress so well... It's because they spent so much time in the closet."

"Why did the superhero flush the toilet? It was his duty!!!! told to me by my 7yo son"

"How do you kill a black widow? You take away her food stamps."

"Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you'll see me doing the worm on the runway"

"What's a cats favorite song? 3 blind mice"

"What's the most dangerous place in an Excel file? C4"

"Does He Bite Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out."

"I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine, but it was out of odor."

"*Cooks dinner for family* Gets arrested for attempting to cause great bodily harm"