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Joke of the Day

"I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine, but it was out of odor."

"I don't know how Valve managed to do it, but... they even included the British Pound in their summer sale this year."

"That which does not kill me has been everything so far."

"Fun fact: if you took all the arteries and veins in a person's body and laid them end to end... Then that person would die."

"How do you count cows? With a cowculator"

"If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something."

"What is Donald Trump's favorite type of cheese? White American."

"I'm thinking of taking up animal hoarding. Where can I get 37 armadillos this time of night?"

"I don't think none of Christopher Nolan's ex girlfriends know how the hell it ended."

"Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids... I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle."