121319

Joke of the Day

"A study showed that more women have vibrators than husbands. Just to play it safe, I'm teaching my penis to vibrate."

"Q: Did you hear about the new ""morning after"" pill for men? A: It changes their blood type."

"My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. ""It's not you,"" he said, looking around. ""It's them."""

"I was at the pub with the Mrs last night and I said, ""I love you.' She said, ""Is that you or the beer talking?"" I replied, ""It's me... talking to the beer!"" "

"Two mormons walk into a bar..."

"KID:I drew you a picture! ME:What's this? KID:Our house. ME:What's the orange stuff? KID:Fire. ME:Why's the house on fire? KID:I wanna PS4."

"""And this is my creepy husband, John."" (The way my friend should introduce her husband)"

"This cab driver has zero clue that ive played crazy taxi extensively and am critiquing his every move"

"I was talking with a friend about my car... I told him about how, now that I have a kid, the car isn't very practical. He offered me 3,000 dollars for it. Sucker, he's gonna hate being a dad."

"A man drives his truck and runs over a woman. Whose fault is it? His fault. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen."