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Joke of the Day

"My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. ""It's not you,"" he said, looking around. ""It's them."""

"When I'm sick, I just remember my mother's sage advice: Feed a cold, starve a fever, and drown a soul-crushing depression in food and booze."

"Little boy blue. He needed the money. credit: Andrew Dice Clay"

"Can you ""pray away"" asparagus pee?"

"Asked my co-worker if saw the big news report... He said which one, The Mac 'n Cheetos announcement or the UK doing something? True story, from 3 min ago... 'Murica"

"Wife: ""Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?"" ! Husband: ""Because I don't want to wake you."""

"""Everyday I'm shoveling"" - Canadians Theme Song."

"The agony of dyslexia I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend last night. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him: ""You idiot!"" ""You're supposed to turn your clock back!"

"It's probably not relevant at all that the big tough republicans always seem to be the most terrified of everything."

"Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy . Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me."