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Joke of the Day

"I was at the pub with the Mrs last night and I said, ""I love you.' She said, ""Is that you or the beer talking?"" I replied, ""It's me... talking to the beer!"" "

"I looked up ""thesaurus"" in my thesaurus and it says ""Don't be a smart-ass""."

"So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar... They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips."

"Do mermaids smoke seaweed?"

"What is the difference between a corn-shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits."

"School Joke Principal: ""I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have you been doing?"" Johnny: ""Nothing, sir."" Principal: ""Exactly!"""

"The other day I stayed in a very swanky hotel ... ... I had to shave before they let me go in their barbershop."

"She had a LITTLE lamb? No way! I watched Mary make six trips to the buffet."

"Why is milk so fast? Because it's pasteurized before you see it!"

"When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders."