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Joke of the Day

"""Just this one more episode."" you said, and all the voices in your head laughed and laughed, and slapped their knees."

"Who led the Jewish people through the semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses"

"What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common? Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified."

"I fucked a girl in an apple orchard once It was great until i came in cider"

"USA to Russia:"" What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner? ""Turkey"""

"If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazine for the articles?"

"I just bought bunk beds. The other night I brought a date home. She said, ""I'll get on top."" I said, ""Great, I'll get the ladder."" She said, ""You sure think a lot of yourself, don't you?"""

"I saw a prostitute running a marathon today she was full of spunk"

"Onions are the Russian nesting dolls of the vegetable world."

"What do you call a charming tool? A rake"