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Joke of the Day

"They found Ellen Degeneres dead today. She was face down in Ricki Lake. Did I do it right this time?"

"I met a pirate the other day, whose parrot was saying, ""Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"" I said, ""Shouldn't that be pieces of eight?"" The pirate replied, ""Arrrrr, it's a parroty error."""

"Birthdays they keep track of how long you've been alive And how long you haven't been inside a vagina"

"Watched Full House for not even a full minute & now I'm white with a credit score of 720"

"I quit smoking, drinking and chasing women... Worst 10 minutes of my life..."

"What do you call a plane's vagina? A cock pit"

"That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think ""Meh, whatever. I had a good run."""

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? If they went forward they would fall into the boat."

"I like to listen to the Star Fox theme song to congratulate myself for having a successful string of social interactions"

"In six years, people will be able to have cybernetic eyes installed in the back of their head... ...because hindsight is 2020."