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Joke of the Day

"They found Ellen Degeneres dead today. She was face down in Ricki Lake. Did I do it right this time?"

"The museum curator was able to identify the slutty violin... ...it was a Straddlevarious :("

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"Why did the hipster burn their tongue? They ate their dinner before it was cool."

"The guys that taught me every medicine joke I know just arrived at my doorstep. I decided to in-vitamin."

"Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? The cow has the udder."

"What's the difference between child prostitution & whisky? Aged whisky costs more."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aries ! Aries who ? Aries a reason why I talk this way !"

"My Halloween costume this year: I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, ""I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!"""

"Mike Tyson refuses to play on any Playstation... He is an Ex-Boxer."