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Joke of the Day

"The museum curator was able to identify the slutty violin... ...it was a Straddlevarious :("

"I decided to have a can of soup for lunch today... ...And hating to see good food go to waste, I decided to have the soup as well."

"I keep my friends close *lean in, whisper* and my anemones closer ""Sir thats very fun but aquarium policy forbids sitting in the touch tank"""

"You know how they say ""if you snooze you lose""... I snooze every morning and have never lost any sleep over it."

"How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors."

"Can you be electrocuted by a news story? The answer may shock you."

"If you're going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might aswell hit them hard."

"LIFE HACK: A pancake makes a great and edible mouse pad."

"Finish this joke, ""I am Christian and I believe in science. In fact, I studied Physics at a Catholic University."" So far I have, ""Physics at a Catholic University? That's like studying... at a ..."""

"What is Cab Calloway's favorite type of humor? 'scat'alogical"