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Joke of the Day

"[Cops have a warrant for my arrest] Cops: you're coming with us! *Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away* Foot chase ensues."

"I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in."

"How to do you find Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints."

"The only time honesty isn't the best policy is when speaking to an Apple employee at the Genius Bar."

"I felt like making some penis jokes today. Only problem is that they were too *hard* to make."

"Why did God give women yeast infections? So they would have to know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt too."

"If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, feminists don't change anything"

"Doctor: Between 1 and 10, describe how much pain are you in? Me: Is married a number? That's how I get the good meds..."

"So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. The horse unable to understand english, shits on the floor and leaves"