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Joke of the Day

"[JAIL VISITATION] WIFE: I got u a cake ME: U know I don't like sugar W: U need a BREAK, OUT of ur diet M: It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle"

"What does a boat have in common with a ballsack? They both have a lot of seamen"

"Old people always poke me at weddings and say ""You're next"" So I started doing the same to them at funerals"

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!"

"Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food... Neither have they."

"My piss looks and smells like gasoline this morning. My piss does impersonations of other liquids. That's talented piss."

"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem."

"A banker tells his client that a 1,000,000 investment will turn into a ton of money! So the the client asks ""How much is a ton of money"" The banker responds ""Two Thousand Pounds"""

"Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says ""Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."" My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion."

"I asked a chinese girl for her number And she said "" SEX SEX SEX! FREE SEX TONIGHT! I replied ""wow!"" Then, her friend said ""I'm sorry, she meant, 6663629."