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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar. By the way, I'm the guy who accidentally knocked over Usain Bolt. Sorry, I'm not good with segways."

"What does a woman want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine."

"Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday? Because he had a wee cough"

"The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died. Talk about killing two birds with one's tone."

"What do you call a Hispanic midget? Paragraph. Because he's not even a full ese."

"What do anal and spinach have in common? Well, if you hated it as a kid, you're probably not gonna like it as an adult."

"There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.* *Only a fraction of you will understand this."

"I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were. I couldn't get the message across."

"What noise does a ceiling fan make? GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!"

"""I want a guy who treats me right, listens to me and makes me feel good. But until then, I'll keep dating a$$holes and complaining."" Women"