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Joke of the Day

"*Creates Animals* God: They're magnificent. Angel: Some of ur best work. Man: Which ones go on pizza?"

"A guy won the lottery and bought a lot of weed, His name was Jack. He became known as Jack-pot."

"How did they come up with Canada's name? Well first they picked a C, eh. Then an N, eh. Then a D, eh."

"[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time."

"[first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony"

"A boy asks the teacher, ""what's infinity?"" Teacher: ""think of a number."" Boy: ""ok, I've got one."" Teacher: ""good, that's not it!"""

"I wonder if women in China complain that all guys are the same."

"What's the difference between hard and light? You can sleep with a light on."

"[pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha"

"I was asked to babysit once but it didn't go very well. You're not meant to sit on them."