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Joke of the Day

"What material should you never use to create or build with? Tin that was mined by moles. Anything you make with it melts immediately."

"Yo momma so fat you can see the entire couch behind her due to gravitational lensing."

"*Playing a ouija board* ""Identify yourself"" I-T-S A M-E L-U-I-G-I ""What the fu-"" *Checks box* ""Dammit mom, this is a Luigi board!"""

"A man has been found guilty of overusing commas The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence."

"Why was the killer's watch arrested? Because it was proven to be accessory to murder."

"My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses"

"a fruedian slip is when you say one thing. . . . when you're thinking of a mother."

"If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop ""Reese's Feces"" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome."

"Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull"

"Stop Hammertime"