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Joke of the Day

"If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop ""Reese's Feces"" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome."

"Pretty fucked-up that your grandfather used to jerk it while thinking about Betty Boop drawings."

"Karen, will you marry me? ""Ugh. No. Please take me home."" *20 minutes of awkward silence as hot air balloon slowly descends*"

"When a woman says, ""We need to talk"", it's no good. Never has a woman said, ""We need to talk"" and followed it up with ""about pillow forts""."

"How much of northern Canada is livable? *Nunavut*"

"Damn girl, are you a gibson? Cause I would only use you If I would get paid."

"If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has. "

"What's the best way too kill a Hipster?? throw em in the main stream"

"What do vacuums and woman have in common? The more you pay, the better they suck."

"Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district."