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Joke of the Day

"*Playing a ouija board* ""Identify yourself"" I-T-S A M-E L-U-I-G-I ""What the fu-"" *Checks box* ""Dammit mom, this is a Luigi board!"""

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"People think having 5 sets of grandparents rules as kid on Xmas, and it does, but you pay for it on the back end having to go to 97 funerals"
" Look, it's an octopi"
"Putting on a clean pair of underwear everyday is a great way to have seven pair on by the end of the week."
"Annoyed condom Why was the condom annoyed? It got pissed off"
"668 The neighbour of the beast."
"Bought a Muslim sex doll today It blows itself up."
"Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! April ! April who ? April might make you feel better !"
"Why is fruit so expensive? I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus."