136886

Joke of the Day

"My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses"

"I'm starting a band. It'll be called ""The disease"" just so I can call Chris Martin to tell him he is part of neither the cure nor the disease."

"Did you hear the news about quadriplegia research? No? Probably because they haven't been making great strides."

"My neighbors hurt some bystanders by illegally setting off fireworks. If only there had been a good guy with fireworks around to stop them"

"What is your best wordplay joke? My personal favourite: Two peanuts walked into a bar, one was assaulted."

"If I was one of the seven dwarfs I'd be Nopey."

"What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market? ""Good morniiiiiiing ladies!"""

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"Kids are scared to pour vinegar in their cups because BAKING SODA. BAKING SODA. I GOT BAKING SODA"

"Why did the T-Rex fail his business project? He couldn't make hands meet."