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Joke of the Day

"You are like snow. White. Pretty to look at. I used to like to play with you but now I'll pay someone to get rid of you."

"What's red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint!"

"It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer."

"Don't believe anything a weatherman says until he takes off the jacket and rolls up the sleeves."

"Never tell a woman to calm down when she's drunk, it's like baptizing a cat. It's not gonna work"

"No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand ."

"My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering ""because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed"" just gets you sent to HR."

"The meanest man in the world Is the Warden who put a tack on the electric chair."

"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."

"You are like snow. White. Pretty to look at. I used to like to play with you but now I'll pay someone to get rid of you."