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Joke of the Day

"There r three things i hate Pessimism. Hypocrisy. And the world."

"Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal."

"Being an adult is 90% worrying about money and 10% spending money you don't have on treats because you've worried a lot this week."

"[Starbucks intercom] ""Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking."""

"I was sexually assaulted by a colourful Rodent today!!! His name was 'Hue Mongoose'"

"A wife is like a hand grenade... ...take off the ring, and you lose the house."

"*spends 4 hours applying sunscreen to kids *kids play outside for 7 minutes"

"INXS was a really good band... It's a shame they hung it up."

"Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show? Because she nailed that Solo."

"Did you hear about the guy who died from eating too many doughnuts? You could say... He went out in a glaze of glory (_) ( _)>- (_)"