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Joke of the Day

"I sat next to the Duchess at tea... It was just as I thought it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenomenal And everyone thought it was me."

"Policeman: How can you say you don't have any outstanding tickets? Driver: They're all in the glove compartment."

"My GF was triggered when I chased the big black birds away from my bird feeder because what I wanted to see was tits. She said it was my crow aggression."

"FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that's easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president."

"If I've learned anything from online dating sites it's that all the single women are on top of mountains."

"What is a printer's favorite type of jelly? Jelly's fine, but paper jam is the best!"

"Why do pills bottles have cotton in them? So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs."

"Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult"

"A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza."

"Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar."