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Joke of the Day

"*Walking with wife listening to Dust In The Wind* Me: This is our song. *A dude walks by listening to it* Me: That's OUR song! GIVE IT BACK!"

"When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous."

"I just got home and found someone had stolen my bed! I walked in and it was gone. Honestly, i'm not lying"

"Jared to plead guilty to charges. Sorry wrong sub."

"One of these days you'll see the real me. Probably next week. I'm almost out of concealer."

"1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off."

"Where do most illegal immigrants go in America? Allah-bama."

"The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing."

"I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 5 billion dollaers???"

"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you."