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Joke of the Day
"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you."
Next Joke
"[1st date] *stuffing face* sorry i eat a lot when im nervous 'u know ur eating a candle right?' yah *points to napkin* u gonna finish that"
"Ordered my grilled cheese with tomato. Go hard or go home."
"A woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus."
"Did you hear that there's a new ""Divorced Barbie""? Yeah - she comes with all of Ken's stuff."
"A young Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow twenty dollars.... ..the father replies, ""Ten dollars?! What do you need five dollars for?!?"""
"i wear glasses n walk around eating apples n everyone is like ""wow. he prolly subscribes 2 the economist"" but joke's on them i can't read"
"What do you call a crafty pig? CunningHam"
"A penis lives a sad life.. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, neighbor is an asshole, best friend is a pussy and owner beats him."
"The corner store started carrying Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream so if anybody needs me I'll be fat"