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Joke of the Day

"Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working."

"What's the best feature of Apple Pencil? You don't need to sharpen it."

"You guys wanna hear a joke? My life."

"This guy next to me thinks I'm flirting, but really I'm just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas"

"Not to Brag: Not to brag, but I own the world's largest collection of air guitars."

"When life gives you melons... You're probably dyslexic."

"Idea: a neck tattoo that depicts a man having an unsuccessful job interview because of his neck tattoo"

"It's important to set goals. You don't have to accomplish them or anything like that. Just set them."

"How do you give a lemon an orgasm? You tickle its citrus. (all credit to the movie *The Descent*)"

"What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie slut? The washing machine doesn't still want you after you make it spun and put a load in it."