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Joke of the Day

"Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off!"

"Why did Lebron leave Miami? Because he just couldn't stand the heat"

"Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick"

"Whats a butt's favorite exercise? High Knees"

"Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say ""Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"""

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3... He says, ""Uno, dos..."" and then *poof* disappeared without a tres."

"I see you when you follow. I know when you get blocked. I look at all your @ replies and hack your DM box. Stalker Claus is coming to town."

"Two fish are in a tank.. And one looks at the other and says, ""How do you drive this thing?"""

"I heard a 7 year old tell this amazing joke the other day. What is Mario's favorite material? Denim denim denim! *musical*"

"The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful."