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Joke of the Day

"After a tornado tore through town, thankfully no one was hurt. The trees were stripped bare, though. God breathed a sigh of releaf."

"Wife: he's always confusing sayings... Therapist: what if you're just misinterpreting him? Me: oooh, check you out playing devil's avocado"

"I like Donald Trump how I like Destiny Overhyped and without a campaign."

"I tried to get into the knife sharpening academy I didn't make the cut."

"I opened a bar in the coal town of Gillette, WY. Unfortunately, I was shut down for serving miners."

"Two Tomatos A father tomato and son tomato were walking down the street. The son was falling behind so the father turned around and **STOMPED** on his son. ""**KETCHUP!**"""

"What's the best time to go to the dentist? At toothhurty."

"When I tell jokes my friends call me a faggot but I suppose it's just because they think i'm a bundle of shticks."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the restroom? Because the ""p"" is silent!"

"If you're looking for someone to tell you what to do in the bedroom I'm pretty good at instructing on how to install window blinds."