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Joke of the Day

"I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats."

"I need a new therapist. After a long session with my therapist describing all my various problems, she asked if I'd ever considered suicide. When I said no, she replied ""Well, you should."""

"Do you know how many planets are in the solar system? 7, after I destroy Uranus."

"Q: What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? A: Squeaky clean clothes."

"1 Ring to rule them all, 1 Ring to find them, 1 Ring to bring them all & in the darkness bind them. 3 rings to let Mum know you're home safe"

"[good cop] admit you stole those diamonds [suspect] wait but I peed on them so now they're mine [dog cop] Jim he has a point"

"What's ET short for? Because he's got little legs."

"What do bees chew ? Bumble gum !"

"What do Muslim men do during foreplay? They tickle the goat under the chin."

"What do you get when you combine 99 lesbians and a politician? 100 people that don't do dick"