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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the woman who had twelve boobs? Sounds fake, dozen tit?"

"I was walking in the park... ..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having sex. God do I love my new taser."

"You should never accept gift from a German The German/English bilingual crowd should be the safest ;)"

"Why don't they show porn on an IMAX screen? Because they can't fit your mum on the screen"

"What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues? An insecurity guard "

"I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it."

"Those days I only knew six words if you count muther fucker as two."

"What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)"

"What do you call the stage a ladybug goes through before it becomes an adult? Pupa-ty. ^^**ba-dum* ^^*psh**"

"What is the difference between a young man and an old man? The young man shampoos his head and soaps his ass, the old man soaps his head and shampoos his ass."