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Joke of the Day

"Don't insult me by looking into my eyes. This bra cost me $65."

"What kind of eye disease do vampires get? Dracular degeneration."

"A long time ago a friend of mine called me conceited, but after all these years I've found out that I'm just one swell guy."

"My cat yells at me like she's my mother."

"I joined /r/NoFap Never thought it would be this hard..."

"Spoiler alert: Doctor Strange could not become a Sorcerer Supreme until he learned to like sour cream."

"My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot."

"What do blacks and bikes have in common? They both stop working when you take their chains off. Edit: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was America. By the way, got this from AskReddit."

"My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick"