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Joke of the Day

"[terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster."

"Jesus take the wheel... Carlos, you take the stereo. I'll take look out"

"Did you hear about the priest that had a Nicotine patch on his dick? (NSFW) He's cut back to two butts a week"

"What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space? ""You're two shellfish."""

"I went to a club completely infested by tourettes suffering women last night. Any time I approached one they told me to fuck off."

"Gandalf is the new head coach of the Seattle Seahawks"

"What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the European Union."

"What's the difference between my daughter and my wife? I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods."

"Where do French lawyers like to relax? The J'accusi"