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Joke of the Day

"[terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster."

"If X-Men and Legend of Korra had a crossover what kind of bender would Magneto be? A Fassbender"

"Mattel has a campaign urging girls to pursue their limitless potential. It's called You Can Be Anything Except A Woman With Barbie's Body."

"So a guy walks into a bar... Ouch."

"Knock Knock, Islam Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allah who ackbar!!!! ***BOOM***"

"Why I'm leaving Reddit. I have to go to the gas station to pick up some munchies."

"What do you call a Mexican Aunt? A tor-tia."

"Is your ass a computer? Because I want to back it up to a 3 inch floppy."

"DOC: good news is you'll make it ME: phew! DOC: ...into the the record book for stupidest way to die ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*"

"Your tweet is funny. You didn't hear that short, little exhale through my nose?"