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Joke of the Day

"I went to a club completely infested by tourettes suffering women last night. Any time I approached one they told me to fuck off."

"With all of this negativity in the media At least Charlie Sheen is staying positive."

"A silly little joke I just made up about schizophrenia Person 1: I'm not schizophrenic! Person 2: I never said you were. Person 1: Oh, sorry, I guess I must be hearing things."

"If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!"

"Relationship status: binoculars"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes ""*Whack* Damn!"" The skydiver goes ""Damn! *Whack*"""

"Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit"

"What do you call your grandma on speed dial? Instragram!"

"I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of ""Go ask your mother."""

"What did Orville say when Keith Harris died? Nothing."