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Joke of the Day

"gang leader: ""this isnt what i meant when i said go rob the store"" me: [putting 19 cartons of milk in fridge] ""you should be more specific"""

"God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad."

"I used to want to be a banker. But then I lost interest"

"Why did the blonde have a sore belly-button? Because she had a blond boyfriend."

"I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and Tianjin? I'm only 75% sure Jews did Tianjin"

"What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant? Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York."

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they have great hangtime."

"What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Crabs on your organ"

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."