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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are about $1.79, and deer nuts are right under a buck."

"They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone."

"A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf."

"I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles My next dump could spell disaster"

"For a final paper, I was assigned to write 3000 words So I put 3 pictures in there."

"I've been drinking and trying to think of a great tweet for a few hours now and here it is: FARTS"

"So, I hear they're naming a new paint after you! It's called Whore Red. Not very Bright, but it's cheap and spreads really easily!!!"

"Why do the elephants have short tails ? Because they can't remember long stories !"

"How's your day been? Grape!"

"I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day."