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Joke of the Day

"A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf."

Next Joke
 
"I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty."
"The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board."
"What do you call a pushy asshole potato? A dic-tater."
"ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]"
"What do you call a black dinosaur? A Tyroneosaurus Rex."
"So, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have split up! It's a bit of a Nightmare before Christmas."
"Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents job."
"MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: What is it that you are both most fearful of? WIFE: I just...[sobbing]...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels"
"Santa's sack is huge, because... he only comes once a year!"