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Joke of the Day

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"Just saw a billboard that said, ""Texting & Driving Is Dangerous!"" Hahaha... that's so lamOMG I JUST HIT A CIRCUS ELEPHANT!!!"

"Doctor Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!"

"First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes her skin had the glow of a peach her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me."

"Alzheimer's can't be that bad You get a chance to meet new people every day."

"My parents told me not to listen to my iPod too loud... It was sound advice."

"Paying for things with hugs Because it's legal tender."

"A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money, ...so I woke up and started searching with him."

"WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it."

"Do you know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra"