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Joke of the Day

"My drivers Ed teacher told me to pull over somewhere safe... Five minutes later he said, ""Why haven't you pulled over yet?"" I said, ""Because we're still in Detroit."""

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"I left my chamomile tea steeping for too long and it turned into the new Coldplay album."
"What did Father Buffalo say to Child Buffalo as he left for school? Bison."
"Do you ever look at teachers and think ""I could do that"" and then remember you hate kids?"
"My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for Christmas... My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for Christmas. They got me a Rolex. They clearly misunderstood me when I said ""I wanna watch."""
"I watched an entire movie with my daughter without checking Twitter once. I got this addiction beat. Now how do I stop the twitching?"
"Why are there no living cats on Mars? Because curiosity killed them all."
"HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE WILDERNESS: Call someone and have them come pick you up."
"I got asked out by 12 girls out of the women's bathroom"
"Wanted to be a Karmania?! it is so much easy to have comment karmas than having 1 simple link karma"