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Joke of the Day

"I watched an entire movie with my daughter without checking Twitter once. I got this addiction beat. Now how do I stop the twitching?"

"Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown? Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow."

"Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job? Because he had a crack addiction."

"Angel. Jeff is talking to Ben : My wife is an angel. Ben tells him : Lucky you, mine is still alive..."

"Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it."

"What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed ? Out of the way !"

"What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire? A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it."

"What do you call a retarded kid with no arms and one leg. Names."

"The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep."

"German math If a train leaves Berlin travelling east at 30kph and another train leaves Munich travelling south at 25kph. How many Jews can be killed in 5years?"