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Joke of the Day

"How many babies does it take to paint a house? None. The minimum age for physical labour in most places is 13-15 and babies would not be allowed to use the paint"

"""You made your bed now lay in it"" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts"

"What do you call an overweight ET ? An extra cholesterol !"

"Let's hope no one builds a convenience store inside a volcano because that doesn't seem like it would be convenient at all."

"Theres a couple guys at a drinking party.. And they all start an in depth discussion on inkblot drawings"

"I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom."

"I'm an Asian male who scored a 2300 on the SAT I still don't know if i met my parents' expectASIANs."

"Why doesn't Rihanna tell her boyfriend jokes anymore? He always beats her to the punchline."

"You haven't texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok?"

"What did the Atlantic Ocean and Pacific Ocean say to each other? Nothing, they just waved."