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Joke of the Day
"You haven't texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok?"
Next Joke
"What kind of newspaper do cows read? The Moo York Times"
"I had diarrhea till 5am It was shitty"
"Pharmacist: ""That'll be $97."" Long pause. We both bust out laughing. ""Have a good day, comrade."" he says, handing me the prescription."
"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel."
"Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing away all the W's."
"ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!"
"Wow. Girl 1) Isn't that illegal? Girl 2) Yeah, so is prostitution but I didn't stop your mom. Girl 1) You don't know my mom. Girl 2) Neither did your dad."
"So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles ""Hardback?"" she inquired. ""Yes"" I said. ""and little heads."""
"What do you call a cow masturbating in an open field? Beef-Stroke-Anoff"