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Joke of the Day

"Millionaire Interview Interviewer : Sir, who helped you on becoming a Millionaire? Millionaire : My wife........ I was a billionaire before."

"My boss asked why he didnt see me at work on halloween. I told him I went as god. I clearly was never there, and all the work that got done I did not do."

"I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems. But don't worry. It's safe sex."

"7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop? Me: Of course! 7 y/o: Really? Me: Why do you think they call them ""Number 2"" pencils?"

"So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter."

"The people who designed the English language had an interesting sense of humor... I would love to meet the guy who made up the spelling for lisp."

"MAST JOKES: http://mastjoks.blogspot.com/2013/01/blog-post_7068.html#.UQVQ48OF1Jc.reddit"

"[Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit"

"The fun part about being white is that I can sing an ""Ebony and Ivory"" duet with my shadow when I'm lonely."

"I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children."