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Joke of the Day

"My boss asked why he didnt see me at work on halloween. I told him I went as god. I clearly was never there, and all the work that got done I did not do."

"How do you make a dead baby float? Root beer and two scoops of dead baby."

"My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges"

"*stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*"

"What do you call a hip-hop trio with boosted Attack but hindered Special Attack? Naughty by Nature"

"Over all these years, you'd think I'd remember how important the ""L"" in clock is...especially when asking mom if I can borrow dad's."

"where do queers download their illegal software from pirategay"

"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."

"If Chris Brown played Quidditch, what position would he play? Beater"

"Have the day off when the SO comes home, ""Have you been on reddit all day!?"" Look at the clock, ""Not yet."""