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Joke of the Day

"So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter."

"We can land a rover on freakin Mars but still no single-button to push for the _()_/ emoji"

"Why do all zombies have sprained ankles?"

"I stepped on a corn flake Now I'm a cereal killer."

"How is light beer like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking close to water."

"What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space? Steer Wars."

"Why are US flags different in San Francisco? They have gay bars."

"Vodka & Vicodin are the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was."

"How many terrorist does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just hold a knife to its throat and threaten to execute it if it doesn't change itself"

"Every time Larry picked up his colleagues in NJ and drove them to NYC, his wrists started hurting. He was diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome."