79968

Joke of the Day

"[Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit"

"What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window? Curt and Rod"

"I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you're talking about BABIES?"

"Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but ""what if the Nazis didn't care about fitness?"" comes close."

"I like my men how I like my rum Smooth, dark, rich, and with a bunch of coke."

"this harambe joke is getting too long already... ...can't someone just kill it?"

"Your first instinct is gonna to be to spell ""leopard"" and ""deaf"" correctly. You're going to want to resist that. Best band manager ever."

"When midgets smoke weed... ...do they get high, or do they just get medium?"

"How can you tell which end of a worm is which ? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !"

"Bath in Milk Why do you take baths in milk? I can not find a cow tall enough for a shower."