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Joke of the Day

"I RELATE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP BECAUSE OF THE ROMANCE AND NOT BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO EAT SPAGHETTI WITH A DOG MOUTH"

"No matter how bad my head hurts, I bet Lindsay Lohan is jealous of my hangover."

"build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None they just beat up the room for being black."

"What did the hat say to the belt? You hang around I'll go on ahead"

"I hope Death is a feminist. That way nothing will ever change."

"Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean...? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"""Damnit!"" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps."

"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."