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Joke of the Day

"What did the hat say to the belt? You hang around I'll go on ahead"

"I don't like lollipop ladies... They make me cross."

"What does Matthew Shephard hate more than being raped, having AIDS, and being pistol whipped? Camping."

"What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!"

"Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers"

"There are other people smarter than me and better looking and more talented and richer but what I have that they don't is bitter jealousy."

"What do you call a large bread disco? [deleted]"

"How to cow tip: First, sneak up behind the cow. Next, get into a wide stance. Finally, slip the money into it's bell."

"Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally? There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd."

"I got a job at Apple today by answering just one question. The interviewer asked what my passion was and I said, 'tax laws'."