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Joke of the Day
"If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like ""whatever Jesus, the book was better."""
Next Joke
"PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol"
"TIFU by putting my dildo in the dishwasher She enjoyed the dildo, but my wife really doesn't like to be referred to as ""the dishwasher"""
"[Followup] I'm not going to drink any more. But I won't drink any less."
"Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival."
"A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians."
"Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10"
"I complained to my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said ""Don't be ridiculous! Everyone hasn't met you yet"""
"Knock Knock Who's there? An interrupting black woman. An interrupting black- MMMMMMMHMMMMMMM"
"Im tired of chasing people who wont chase me... from today on the ice cream man can go fuck himself."